Procrastination: I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. Because of you I am a late bloomer. And I hate it. You make me feel paralyzed. You make me feel unable. You make me feel like a loser. I hate how you play a big role in my life and I hate that you just creep up on me everyday. I hate how many times I tried to battle you and failed. I hate knowing how capable and close I am to achieving my goals and dreams but you just stand there between me and them.
You stand there mocking me with a look in your eyes about how weak willed I must be to succumb to you everyday. You’re so good at at making me self-loathe. The smirk on your face says it all.
Some people have great obstacles like lack of health, money, resources, or time and yet they rise above themselves and their scarcity whatever it may be. But here you are wasting away your years because of me. I am nothing to other people. But to you, I am your enemy.
How easy is it for me to lure you in with sleeping in, lingering in bed, watching just one more show. I relish in the idiotic ways I can make you surrender to me even without knowing.
Sometimes I even make you think that you have everything under control so what is wrong with just a little entertainment. A little venturing off the way.
The high you get from being productive and staying on task have become so foreign to you that you can’t even keep it up for more than just one day. It literally scares you and makes your heart beats faster.
Truth is I am scared of who you could be without me.
Super obvious things but I want to name and acknowledge them in hope that those little parasite can go away and leave me alone. I, literally, want to figure them out on this post and it is going to sound so stupid, but I guess that sometimes I am just that dumb! I try to fight them, instead of making them away. A battle usually lost and ends in me glued to the bed as my mind is roaming freely in the land of Self-Loathing.
a. Problem: Too thirsty/ Solution: Go drink.
b. too hungry/ Go eat.
c. Need to use the bathroom/ Go use the bathroom.
d. too hot/ Go get a shirt.
e. too cold/ Go wear a robe.
f. Feeling bothered that my skin is dry/ Go lotion.
g. Feeling that scalp is itchy/ Go shower with Head and Shoulders and give your scalp a good massage (note to self: need to fix shower).
h. Feeling ugly/ Go shower and put a little effort into outfit and makeup.
i. Feeling that I use LAUNDRY (God help me) as an escape mechanism to delay that important things I should be doing/ Finish the load and do one thing that is important.
j. Feeling that I am easily tempted and that I shop too much/ Stop shopping for 24 hours.
k. Feeling shitty cause I was mean to my family/ Decide to continue the day with kindness. Just one day.
l. Feeling that my space is filthy and decluttered/ Go declutter or clean one thing.
m. Panting and feeling anxious cause I can’t make a decision/ Breathe, drink water, go pee if you need to, and put things into perspective.
n. Feeling like I have too many THINGS and especially things I don’t use/ Put one thing away IMMEDIATELY in the Goodwill bag.
My office environment is lax, besides the few passive aggressive emails I receive from my (woman) boss every so often. Also, My chatty co-worker just moved cubicles a few weeks ago and now I am all by myself in my cubicle (besides the fact that my other (male) boss could easily tunnel vision me by a simple turn of his head).
So with that said I rejoice in the silence and take full advantage of it filling it with Education. I can’t listen to audiobooks because it is hard to follow sometimes with office interruptions, but I do listen to a lot of TED talks, when I am not busy counting down the minutes to go home, and I actually quiet enjoy them and thankful I am able to.
Here are some of the stuff that stayed with me and I want to share them with you: