he always behaved like coming to see me was the biggest shore, because he had to battle traffic. A few times he would just sit there and be completely quiet in a crappy mood. One time that made me cry in public and instead of apologizing and comforting me, I had to spell out for him what he was doing and he just said that he doesn’t know why he is this way.
i had to say I love you first (though, i don’t think i meant it, i think i was just waiting to feel something or to move him or add some excitement to the relationship, that was a con of mine but i will get to that list in a different post).
he said he loved a year and a half later into the relationship but i felt like it lacked passion and vulnerability that comes with saying those 3 words. To his defense, i didn’t say it back to him. The uttering of those words didn’t move me or cause fireworks or anything. In fact, i don’t i had been eager for him to say. i always reminded myself that he hadn’t said it back when i said it to him and that was weird that it was taking him this long but that was just another flaw, i don’t think i looked forward to that moment. I also, didn’t say it back when he said it, which troubled me actually. i should have said it back without thinking, but for some reason i felt like if i did it would felt forced.
after that, when i he would call and i would end our calls with a causal “love you”, he would never say it back. And i wasn’t lying i guess i love him in a way i love a best friend.
he NEVER eagerly kissed me. In fact even time i would kiss him goodbye, i had to initiate it. and i would bring up this subject, he would say that he isn’t a teenager who can just sit there and make to for hours, but i wasn’t asking him to make out. it was just weird to me that i never felt that he HAD to kiss me or even wanted to.