I was discussing with my argumentative therapist an intense, extreme, optimal example of human selfness. A person that I know that sacrifices ALL HE HAS of time, energy, and finances for a a very noble cause, if not THE most noble cause there is. I can’t quote my therapist exactly but he minimized and diluted my friend’s efforts by counting them off as self gratifying at the end (so not entirely selfless).
If the epitome of selfness HAS TO HAVE an iota of self gratification in the equation because noble causes are fulfilling to the human moral consciousness, then why should that weaken the quality of selflessness. In other words, if the quality of selflessness itself as humans know it contains self gratification then why should that even be mentioned.
C2: Road Trip:
There are things that I am afraid of. Dark truths about the world that I am afraid to face and look in the eye. Maybe they’re not entirely dark but they are not entirely light either. Maybe the hidden, the parts that I don’t know or see will give me the relief and courage I need to face the dark parts. But the healing doesn’t come before the hurt.
(I wrote this, hoping that writing would be cathartic and alleviate my fears. I am literally afraid to take a road trip because I am afraid of what I am going to see and suffer the emotions and the actions that those truths warrant.)
what can i do when i can do nothing?
is there actually an instance where i can only do nothing?
is doing nothing doing something?
is nothing neutral?
or is nothing a negative contribution?
my guilt, powerlessness, lack of creativity and drive are eating at me. i help my friend run his instagram account for a dog rescue overseas and I get tragic messages about animals being poisoned, tortured, and suffering in ways that are unimaginable and in every sense of the word heartbreaking and i can do nothing, being i am 74884957 miles away and have no saying on which cases the rescue can take and the rescue is always full and lacking resources anyways. i see it all happening then I hear about the tragedy that followed because no one moved and I can d nothing. i admit i am a fool. i must be doing something wrong. or going at this wrong. there must be a solution. things shouldn’t be this bleak. I hope i have more faith to be a vessel to the power I know is available to us through Christ and do something about this suffering.
Let’s just say I listen to a lot of TED talks.
My office environment is lax, besides the few passive aggressive emails I receive from my (woman) boss every so often. Also, My chatty co-worker just moved cubicles a few weeks ago and now I am all by myself in my cubicle (besides the fact that my other (male) boss could easily tunnel vision me by a simple turn of his head).
So with that said I rejoice in the silence and take full advantage of it filling it with Education. I can’t listen to audiobooks because it is hard to follow sometimes with office interruptions, but I do listen to a lot of TED talks, when I am not busy counting down the minutes to go home, and I actually quiet enjoy them and thankful I am able to.
Here are some of the stuff that stayed with me and I want to share them with you:
I was in awe in the company of those majestic Beluga Whales (or white whales). Truly, they were very graceful and had an air of playfulness and tenderness to them. My favorite exhibit at Sea World San Diego.
In some versions the phrase “can not speak for themselves” is translated as the “vulnerable” or the “voiceless”. For me this verse spoke to me about fetuses, and animals but also I think it includes ANYONE who is voiceless, vulnerable, helpless, needy, and/or poor.
I started my “morning” with 2 little girls from my street asking me if this was my dog. They’re currently going around to try to find the dog’s owners. I told them that I am willing to help in anyway by dropping it off to a No Kill shelter or posting pictures and what not. So far, I don’t know what’s the fate of this dog going to be but I sure hope those girls find the dog’s home.
Please keep it in your thoughts and prayers today that this dog may be returned to its home.
Update: The girls are going to keep the dog. I was so happy to hear this when she told me cause I wanted this cutie to find a home so badly. God is good.