Things that make me physically uncomfortable and thus lazy and self-loathing

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Dear Wonderful Reader,

Super obvious things but I want to name and acknowledge them in hope that those little parasite can go away and leave me alone. I, literally, want to figure them out on this post and it is going to sound so stupid, but I guess that sometimes I am just that dumb! I try to fight them, instead of making them away. A battle usually lost and ends in me glued to the bed as my mind is roaming freely in the land of Self-Loathing.

a. Problem: Too thirsty/ Solution: Go drink.

b. too hungry/ Go eat.

c. Need to use the bathroom/ Go use the bathroom.

d. too hot/ Go get a shirt.

e. too cold/ Go wear a robe.

f. Feeling bothered that my skin is dry/ Go lotion.

g. Feeling that scalp is itchy/ Go shower with Head and Shoulders and give your scalp a good massage (note to self: need to fix shower).

h. Feeling ugly/ Go shower and put a little effort into outfit and makeup.

i. Feeling that I use LAUNDRY (God help me) as an escape mechanism to delay that important things I should be doing/ Finish the load and do one thing that is important.

j. Feeling that I am easily tempted and that I shop too much/ Stop shopping for 24 hours.

k. Feeling shitty cause I was mean to my family/ Decide to continue the day with kindness. Just one day.

l. Feeling that my space is filthy and decluttered/ Go declutter or clean one thing.

m. Panting and feeling anxious cause I can’t make a decision/ Breathe, drink water, go pee if you need to, and put things into perspective.

n. Feeling like I have too many THINGS and especially things I don’t use/ Put one thing away IMMEDIATELY in the Goodwill bag.

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My boyfriend’s cons I

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  1. he never said he was “in love” with me
  2. he never surprised me
  3. he always behaved like coming to see me was the biggest shore, because he had to battle traffic. A few times he would just sit there and be completely quiet in a crappy mood. One time that made me cry in public and instead of apologizing and comforting me, I had to spell out for him what he was doing and he just said that he doesn’t know why he is this way.
  4. i had to say I love you first (though, i don’t think i meant it, i think i was just waiting to feel something or to move him or add some excitement to the relationship, that was a con of mine but i will get to that list in a different post).
  5. he said he loved a year and a half later into the relationship but i felt like it lacked passion and vulnerability that comes with saying those 3 words. To his defense, i didn’t say it back to him. The uttering of those words didn’t move me or cause fireworks or anything. In fact, i don’t i had been eager for him to say. i always reminded myself that he hadn’t said it back when i said it to him and that was weird that it was taking him this long but that was just another flaw, i don’t think i looked forward to that moment. I also, didn’t say it back when he said it, which troubled me actually. i should have said it back without thinking, but for some reason i felt like if i did it would felt forced.
  6. after that, when i he would call and i would end our calls with a causal “love you”, he would never say it back. And i wasn’t lying i guess i love him in a way i love a best friend.
  7. he NEVER eagerly kissed me. In fact even time i would kiss him goodbye, i had to initiate it. and i would bring up this subject, he would say that he isn’t a teenager who can just sit there and make to for hours, but i wasn’t asking him to make out. it was just weird to me that i never felt that he HAD to kiss me or even wanted to.

Rules of Happiness: Spend Out

image1Dear Wonderful Reader,

In her book “The Happiness Project”, Gretchen Rubin advises her readers to “Spend Out”. When I first read the header of the chapter, I thought she will talk about money and how we should spend more money in order to be happy.

Thankfully, her advise was much more accessible, and simpler than that. Ms. Rubin is advising against hoarding (guilty!!) or basically saving our “good” bra for only when we’re going out somewhere fancy. Or in my case marking my fancy perfume as a “special occasions ” perfume. How many of us are guilty of saving our “nice” things to events where we see fit, which may never come. Why not just enjoy them now  and put them to work and get our money and hard work’s worth. At the end of the day, they’re just things and they’re irreplaceable. Emotionally, it makes a lot of sense to suck as much happiness from what we got now rather than assigning them to a future they may never see (lol). Economically, it makes even more sense because you’re using all your resources (which may go bad or out of style if you keep hoarding).

So SPEND OUT and don’t hoard things. Wear red lipstick even if you’re only going grocery shopping. Break out the fine China for a simple event (or none at all). Wear your sexy bra even if you’re only running errands. Adore Me is encouraging women to wear their “good” bras AT ALL TIMES, check out their Instagram page for more inspiration. And I HIGHLY RECOMMEND “The Happiness Project”.

And yes, that’s a dog’s bed in the photo.