Perfectionist Fallacy & My Shopping Addiction: a few confessions & my intentions

• I have a shopping addiction
• I think I use it to cope
• I possibly have OCD, ADD, Depression, PTSD, BPD, NPD
• I binge shop a lot
• I rarely use my stuff
• I am unemployed
• I have no source of income
• I have a lot of credit card debt
• I accept myself as is
• I accept my bad habits as they are
• They are not inherently bad
• I am trying to expose myself to myself
• I am trying to appreciate what I already have
• I am trying to use up what I own
• I have always had a stream of new “stuff” coming into my life, and thus I feel like I don’t know my likes and dislikes.
• I want to learn about my likes and dislikes
• I attach a “fantasy;  fantastical sense of self”, or an emotional tie to “things”.
• I don’t want my things to be part of my identity; although I feel that way deeply with books. I need to find a way to figure this out. Maybe, I need to attach my identity to the idea of the book out there existing in the world, without the need to own it. I don’t know. Maybe I shouldn’t attach my identity or romanticize books to begin with… Though, I KNOW that I always will. I am a sentimental person. It is not a bad thing. I accept myself as I am. Maybe it is OK to buy a copy of a favorite book, just because it makes me safe.
• I had an excellent credit score (though I always struggled with buying/returning, but I was able to afford it)
• I am ashamed/afraid to look at my finances
• My shopping habits make me embarrassed
• I spend a lot of time, money, energy researching, fantasizing, returning, buying stuff that I seldom use
• I have a Poshmark and Mercari accounts and I was so successful with them last year
• I’d like to get back to decluttering and being active on aforementioned platforms
• I’d like to declutter more by selling/donating/giving away as gifts
• I want to know what I actually have and how I feel about them
• I would like to partake in Project Panning, or No Buy
• I wonder how my life and my personality will change if I fixed this unhealthy habit
• I return a lot of stuff, to a point where I have to hit different malls or have friends do it for me because I am embarrassed by the quantities
• I would like to have a concrete Savings account
• I would like to feel the joy of shopping
• What I have been doing gives me no joy, it just feel like it is something I have to do
• I want to have less stuff that I love
• I want to learn about my preferences, which will lead to having more intention when I shop
• I hate feeling like I need to try everything to find the best “item”. As I am in the drowning in this process, I recognize that those decisions are trivial in the long run, but I can’t stop myself
• I am embarrassed to admit my shopping habits to others
• I feel crazy in my head
• I don’t feel normal
• I feel like I make my life hell but I can’t stop myself
• I will add more to this
• I hope I can be consistent with this
• I struggle with consistency
• I am in therapy
• I am on medication
• I will add more to this, as I think of my more confessions/ intentions
• I needed to do this, as just I BINGED on makeup shopping
• I was afraid to tally up everything; I am still afraid to open my bank account
• I need to go to mail a BUNCH of returns tomorrow
• I feel happy when I get rid of stuff
• I don’t understand the root/roots of my shopping addiction. I don’t understand it. I just want to talk about it
• I believe if people find out about my bad habits, that they will think I am a psychopath, or is it a sociopath…
• I believe that I can never find romantic love if I expose my shame and weird obsessions/habits to the other person
• Today, my therapist said what I suffer from is called a “Perfectionist Fallacy”, and most people don’t have it, but a significant minority have it and are just like me
• I am glad it has a name
• I want to learn about it
• I want to attend a Shopaholics Anonymous meeting
• I hope they take place around me
• My therapist said I have a hard time accepting reality as it is
• My credit card doesn’t go through on Ulta.com anymore, I believe the have banned me
• I have so many fictional accounts, fictional names, and emails