C2: Road Trip

C2: Road Trip:

There are things that I am afraid of. Dark truths about the world that I am afraid to face and look in the eye. Maybe they’re not entirely dark but they are not entirely light either. Maybe the hidden, the parts that I don’t know or see will give me the relief and courage I need to face the dark parts. But the healing doesn’t come before the hurt.

(I wrote this, hoping that writing would be cathartic and alleviate my fears. I am literally afraid to take a road trip because I am afraid of what I am going to see and suffer the emotions and the actions that those truths warrant.)

Thoughtful Thursday: The Great Gatsby Quotes-Picture Book Pt. 2

Dear Wonderful Reader,

I couldn’t help but share with you  some more of my favorite quotes that gave me many insights about life. I am totally addicted to “The Great Gatsby”; I love the novel and the movie too much. They just transport me to another realm, that is surreal and whimsical (even if the ending is sad!).

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“In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since. Whenever you feel like criticizing any one,” he told me, “just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.”

tumblr_n26c15aMfb1sgti6po1_500“I like large parties. They’re so intimate. At small parties there isn’t any privacy.”

tumblr_n2c81anfWb1rv4djuo1_500“It’s a great advantage not to drink among hard-drinking people. You can hold your tongue, and, moreover, you can time any little irregularity of your own so that everybody else is so blind that they don’t see or care.”

THE GREAT GATSBY“I love New York on summer afternoons when everyone’s away. There’s something very sensuous about it – overripe, as if all sorts of funny fruits were going to fall into your hands.”

tumblr_n2ee5oBDlS1rzghbto1_500“Her face was sad and lovely with bright things in it, bright eyes and a bright passionate mouth, but there was an excitement in her voice that men who had cared for her found difficult to forget: a singing compulsion, a whispered “Listen,” a promise that she had done gay, exciting things just a while since and that there were gay, exciting things hovering in the next hour.”

tumblr_n26fpwRpi81su4qbjo1_500“The officer looked at Daisy while she was speaking, in a way that every young girl wants to be looked at sometime, and because it seemed romantic to me I have remembered the incident ever since.”

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“As I watched him he adjusted himself a little, visibly. His hand took hold of hers, and as she said something low in his ear he turned toward her with a rush of emotion. I think that voice held him most, with its fluctuating, feverish warmth, because it couldn’t be over-dreamed — that voice was a deathless song.”

tumblr_n0wbxc14XB1qdts75o1_500“I wasn’t actually in love, but I felt a sort of tender curiosity.”

tobey_maguire_in_the_great_gatsby-wide“Do you ever wait for the longest day of the year and then miss it? I always wait for the longest day of the year and then miss it!”

tumblr_n06u9kAFhX1rx54tto1_500“Can’t repeat the past?” he cried incredulously. “Why of course you can!” He looked around him wildly, as if the past were lurking here in the shadow of his house, just out of reach of his hand.”

tumblr_n23zcnn5qf1to7dqgo1_500“They’re a rotten crowd’, I shouted across the lawn. ‘You’re worth the whole damn bunch put together.”

tumblr_mnh5xllOxa1sptodbo1_500“So I walked away and left him standing there in the moonlight – watching over nothing.”

325x227>“The loneliest moment in someone’s life is when they are watching their whole world fall apart, and all they can do is stare blankly.”

tumblr_n26ta5KtmL1szblxvo1_500“Let us learn to show our friendship for a man when he is alive and not after he is dead.”

THE GREAT GATSBY“At the enchanted metropolitan twilight I felt a haunting loneliness sometimes, and felt it in others — poor young clerks who loitered in front of windows waiting until it was time for a solitary restaurant dinner — young clerks in the dusk, wasting the most poignant moments of night and life.”

tumblr_muhbdtk2mY1sdjjebo1_500“It occurred to me that there was no difference between men, in intelligence or race, so profound as the difference between the sick and the well.”

Thoughtful Thursday: ‘The Great Gatsby’ Quote-Picture Book

Dear Wonderful Reader,

I Present to you, “The Great Gatsby” by F. Scott Fitzgerald.

tumblr_n2379nUCQf1r0ngdoo1_500Words fail to describe how in love I am with Fitzgerald’s surreal writing style and his extraordinary ability to powerfully build every nuance in Gatsby’s characters to create, The Great Gatsby. I can vividly imagine from reading those quotes just how fantastical, and bigger-than-life Gatsby is, as equally as I can feel just how hollow and lonely he is; books like this make me  grateful that books ever existed. It’s no wonder that this is considered the greatest American novel.  The film too is so beautiful, artistic, and really captures the quaint and grand ambiance of the book. And DiCaprio is like the physical incarnation of Jay Gatsby. Well done!

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Favorite Quotes

“His parents were shiftless and unsuccessful farm people — his imagination had never really accepted them as his parents at all. The truth was that Jay Gatsby of West Egg, Long Island, sprang from his Platonic conception of himself. He was a son of God — a phrase which, if it means anything, means just that — and he must be about His Father’s business, the service of a vast, vulgar, and meretricious beauty. So he invented just the sort of Jay Gatsby that a seventeen-year-old boy would be likely to invent, and to this conception he was faithful to the end.

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“It was one of those rare smiles with a quality of eternal reassurance in it, that you may come across four or five times in life. It faced–or seemed to face–the whole eternal world for an instant, and then concentrated on you with an irresistible prejudice in your favor. It understood you just as far as you wanted to be understood, believed in you as you would like to believe in yourself, and assured you that it had precisely the impression of you that, at your best, you hoped to convey.”

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“His heart beat faster and faster as Daisy’s white face came up to his own. He knew that when he kissed this girl, and forever wed his unutterable visions to her perishable breath, his mind would never romp again like the mind of God. So he waited, listening for a moment longer to the tuning fork that had been struck upon a star. Then he kissed her. At his lips’ touch she blossomed like a flower and the incarnation was complete.

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“Gatsby believed in the green light, the orgiastic future that year by year recedes before us. It eluded us then, but that’s no matter–tomorrow we will run faster, stretch out our arms farther…. And one fine morning– So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.

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“If personality is an unbroken series of successful gestures, then there was something gorgeous about him, some heightened sensitivity to the promise of life, as if he were related to one of those intricate machines that register earthquakes ten thousand miles away. This responsiveness had nothing to do with that flabby impressionability which is dignified under the name of the ‘creative temperament’–it was an extraordinary gift for hope, a romantic readiness such as I have never found in any other person and which it is not likely I shall ever find again.”

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“There must have been moments even that afternoon when Daisy tumbled short of his dreams — not through her own fault, but because of the colossal vitality of his illusion. It had gone beyond her, beyond everything. He had thrown himself into it with a creative passion, adding to it all the time, decking it out with every bright feather that drifted his way. No amount of fire or freshness can challenge what a man will store up in his ghostly heart.”

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 It had occurred to him that the colossal significance of that light had now vanished forever. Compared to the great distance that had separated him from Daisy it had seemed very near to him, almost touching her. It had seemed as close as a star to the moon. Now it was again a green light on a dock. His count of enchanted things had diminished by one.

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“He talked a lot about the past, and I gathered that he wanted to recover something, some idea of himself perhaps, that had gone into loving Daisy. His life had been confused and disordered since then, but if he could once return to a certain starting place and go over it all slowly, he could find out what that thing was ….

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“Through all he said, even through his appalling sentimentality, I was reminded of something—an elusive rhythm, a fragment of lost words, that I had heard somewhere a long time ago. For a moment a phrase tried to take shape in my mouth and my lips parted like a dumb man’s, as though there was more struggling upon them than a wisp of startled air. But they made no sound, and what I had almost remembered was uncommunicable forever.”

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The most grotesque and fantastic conceits haunted him in his bed at night. A universe of ineffable gaudiness spun itself out in his brain while the clock ticked on the wash-stand and the moon soaked with wet light his tangled clothes upon the floor. Each night he added to the pattern of his fancies until drowsiness closed down upon some vivid scene with an oblivious embrace. For a while these reveries provided an outlet for his imagination; they were a satisfactory hint of the unreality of reality, a promise that the rock of the world was founded securely on a fairy’s wing.

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“He must have felt that he had lost the old warm world, paid a high price for living too long with a single dream. He must have looked up at an unfamiliar sky through frightening leaves and shivered as he found what a grotesque thing a rose is and how raw the sunlight was upon the scarcely created grass. A new world, material without being real, where poor ghosts, breathing dreams like air, drifted fortuitously about…like that ashen, fantastic figure gliding toward him through the amorphous trees.”

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“And as I sat there brooding on the old, unknown world, I thought of Gatsby’s wonder when he first picked out the green light at the end of Daisy’s dock. He had come a long way to this blue lawn, and his dream must have seemed so close that he could hardly fail to grasp it. He did not know that it was already behind him, somewhere back in that vast obscurity beyond the city, where the dark fields of the republic rolled on under the night.”

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“So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past.”

P.S. Don’t forget that you can ALWAYS reinvent yourself, if you need to!

I couldn’t help but wonder… is it time for change?

Always loved and was amused by how Carrie always started her articles by this phrase so I’mma use it lol.

I failed two of my courses this quarter and got fired from my job and it’s all due to procrastination and my perpetual habit of always being late and missing deadlines.

I couldn’t help but wonder if the universe is trying to tell me something. I feel like everything is being put into perspective and I’m finally unable to get away with irresponsibility like I used to before.

I think the universe is telling me that its time for CHANGE and a NEW BEGINNING as I’m approaching 22 and officially leaving adolescence behind.

21 was one of the most confused years in my life I gotta say.

How did you feel at 22?

Please share your thoughts with me, I’d really appreciate it.

Life after getting fired <3

A window for change.
A new beginning.
Fuller potential.

What does’t kill me, makes me stronger

A day in my job (pre-getting fired)

Early on the day as I was blessed with the ignorance of not knowing what lies ahead of me (getting fired) I opened the supply cabinet and right then, I was especially tempted with a shiny new post-it. Without hesitation, I picked it up. Ashamed of my intentions, I put it back. I sat at my desk for five seconds, then frantically got up, opened the cabinet, grabbed the babe, and wooosh, that thing went right straight to my purse. Yaaay, I thought, “Scoooooore”. I loved making lists and I was running low on the stack in my room. I closed my purse and felt a mixture of relief and victory.

Then, I remembered Jesus.

Immediately, I opened my purse and took the post it out and placed it on the desk in the office. I mean why make a stupid post it lure me into theft and sin.

Then, I got fired.

Immediately, I picked it up from the desk and throw it right into my purse. Though, not as a post it but as a token. Also cause I was like hell with it at this point haha.

Reasons Why I Got Fired (Part 3)

In hindsight, Its like I knew today would be my last day.

Intuition, indeed.

1. Alright, so I had many thoughts floating in my head as I was driving (and crying) in my car about how I must have subconsciously known that today would be my last but now I really can only think of none. Oh well.

I’m really going to miss (some of) my co-workers and the fun I had working with them. There is also this kid whom I like and who claims that “he likes me”. I don’t know how it’s going to be now that we’re not co-workers anymore and we have to deliberately make efforts to see each other. Call me a pessimist, but I bet he wouldn’t care. And I might just reciprocate really, as I surprise myself a lot sometimes. I remember some years ago how I was really sad about leaving my old university because of the attachment I had with a certain guy. I even contemplated, though briefly, my decision of leaving for him. I thought that I’d miss him so much over the summer. To my surprise, nothing of that happened and he never entered my head and I was equally shocked and pleased with myself.

I got fired today (Part 2)

I really didn’t care and their opinions was nothing to me. But there is something about endings and goodbyes that leave me sad and sentimental. Knowing that it was my last time doing all the things I did, that always seemed frivolous to me, made me savor them. I grew pensive as I was opening the cabinets to look at how I organized them for one last time. Or logging in and out with my account that will soon be stripped out of its privileges.

Then, I started emptying out my cabinet and securing my belongings in my purse. I decided to leave my name tag though as an attempt to secure as little of presence as this small name can hold. In the back of head, I knew that soon someone will scratch it off and no will care but still. I left the the cabinet out displaying its emptiness…

I got fired today (Part 1)

They ordered me to the room and closed the door and said they had bad news. I knew it then. I had always suspected it, but still I was in shock. I was pretty composed, didn’t say much except: “No don’t be sorry!” and many “I’m fine”. They were telling me “the reasons” why they’re firing me. I didn’t justify myself nor did I felt compelled to give them an explanation. I really didn’t care and their opinions was nothing to me.

Hook-ups: We Live in a Generation of not Being in Love :$

It seems like its really hard to find love in this era. An era where hook-ups and zero-expectations are the norm. It seems like having standards and demanding certain rights from the other gender is “wrong”; because it makes you seem too “eager”.
I have many girlfriends who “like”, some even claim that they “love”, their hook-up but they continue to act cold, and nonchalant toward them for fear of rejection.
Why are we so afraid of revealing our true emotions when it comes to love and relationships? Why? How are we ever going to grow if all we do is pretend and play it safe?
I, myself, in the past have been a hook-up to some boys whom I thought reciprocated my feelings and eventually I found out the truth. I couldn’t remain silent then, and even though I lost their company and I was hurt, I really wouldn’t have been able to function with them and in my life with all that false pretense…