My boyfriend’s cons I

1. he never said he was “in love” with me
2. he never surprised me
3. he always behaved like coming to see me was the biggest shore, because he had to battle traffic. A few times he would just sit there and be completely quiet in a crappy mood. One time that made me cry in public and instead of apologizing and comforting me, I had to spell out for him what he was doing and he just said that he doesn’t know why he is this way.
4. i had to say I love you first (though, i don’t think i meant it, i think i was just waiting to feel something or to move him or add some excitement to the relationship, that was a con of mine but i will get to that list in a different post).
5. he said he loved a year and a half later into the relationship but i felt like it lacked passion and vulnerability that comes with saying those 3 words. To his defense, i didn’t say it back to him. The uttering of those words didn’t move me or cause fireworks or anything. In fact, i don’t i had been eager for him to say. i always reminded myself that he hadn’t said it back when i said it to him and that was weird that it was taking him this long but that was just another flaw, i don’t think i looked forward to that moment. I also, didn’t say it back when he said it, which troubled me actually. i should have said it back without thinking, but for some reason i felt like if i did it would felt forced.
6. after that, when i he would call and i would end our calls with a causal “love you”, he would never say it back. And i wasn’t lying i guess i love him in a way i love a best friend.
7. he NEVER eagerly kissed me. In fact even time i would kiss him goodbye, i had to initiate it. and i would bring up this subject, he would say that he isn’t a teenager who can just sit there and make to for hours, but i wasn’t asking him to make out. it was just weird to me that i never felt that he HAD to kiss me or even wanted to.

Saying I Love You First…

“I love you!

I know that women aren’t supposed to say I love you first, but I am down to break all the rules here. I just wanted you to know that I love you… You’re probably freaked out, but I just can’t imagine saying that to anyone except you. And even though we may not be on the same page yet, I am not ashamed of how I feel about you. I don’t wanna fight my feelings for you, I wanna nurture them because they’re beautiful.  And don’t you worry about hurting me and all that BS, because I can take care of myself pretty well. (And why do you assume I’ll be the one getting hurt anyways?!) But, I choose to be here because I want to and I want YOU. I can easily divert my attention from this, live my life (like I was before), and have this with someone new. But, I just don’t see the point cause I already have this with you and I want you and (baby) you’re worth it.

Unless you wanna say goodbye, in which case I will accept your decision…

All I want from you is to see you… Let’s just hang out and see how it goes…just go with it and trust me, it won’t be so bad ;)!”

-Unknown

 

“The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.”

-Eleonor Roosevelt

 

A Happy Monologue About Unrequited Love

“I love you. And I know that you don’t love me back. And that’s okay because I can’t make you love me. But, I am here with you and there is nobody or nowhere else I’d rather be. I may look back at this and feel stupid, but If I didn’t say what I am saying then I’ll live wondering what could’ve been… You were my first kiss, and I want you to be my last kiss. Your presence changes the molecules in my body in this weird way, that I have never felt with anyone before. It’s been five years since our first kiss and I have dated and kissed many boys; they made me happy and they made me sad… But then, I forget them. But you… You stay with me, even when you’re not present. You make all the sappy poetry and all those stupid love songs make sense. I can never imagine myself saying those ridiculous things to anyone but you. In fact, I want to say them to you. I want to stare deeply into your eyes and just lay there next to you forever. You make me go tinder; you were my sweetest kiss. I know this sounds really scary to you, but don’t worry, I’ll never pressure you or force myself into your life. I just wanted to say those things out loud to you and see what It feels like. It will probably hurt tomorrow and it may hurt for a while. But, I won’t regret it because you made me taste what love is and what’s it’s like to completely lose yourself in someone, and act like an idiot, and say idiotic things and it’s sweet and beautiful and dangerous and scary but, it makes me feel happy and free. And one day, I know I’ll share that with someone who will love me back and it will be sweet and beautiful too. So Whatever happens tomorrow, we’ve had today… Life is too short and I don’t wanna waste any passing moment without kissing you if I could. So come here and kiss me…”

– Unknown

“I’ll put your poison in my veins
They say the best love is insane”