Mental Anguish, Vegetarianism, Depression, Hope, and Jesus

Dear Wonderful Reader,

This is probably the most intimate post I’ll ever write in this blog. Please excuse its lack of structure and the grammatical and spelling errors. I don’t even know how to start it. I may cut into parts cause I have so much to say.

 

“Health and happiness” is a phrase that we hear often and it suggests a strong correlation between the two states and that the two go hand in hand. It means that as long as one is healthy one is happy and if one is happy then one is healthy. Well… that wasn’t my case. Lately I have been sad… very sad. Even when the moment I am is good and I am surrounded by my family or on vacation, I was depressed. I just couldn’t shake off my thoughts which instantly translates to tears and mental anguish.

God I have so much to say and don’t know where to start.

I guess I want to be clear and get to the point.

The point is that I have decided to become a vegetarian today.

I want to eventually go vegan but I have to take things step by step.

 

Growing up, I didn’t have any pets and wasn’t an animal lover. I had a classmate who loved animals and thought that was kinda weird. I never gave the situation any thought nor did I ever feel bad about it. I used to even get scared from dogs and would want them locked away when I would visit relatives who had them.

I guess It all started when I saw one of those depressing PETA commercials (which I thank God for now because they do raise awareness) and I made a small donation to PETA. The very next day my brother got us a puppy from his friend. My love for animals started growing at this moment.

Then my sister rescued a tiny dog from the street that I grow to LOVE so endlessly. Spending time with my dog taught me so much about animals and COMPLETELY changed my perspective. My dog is just like a human expect she doesn’t talk. She cries when I seep without her on the bed. She feels love, excitement, hunger, thirst, sleepiness, energy, and most importantly pain. I remember how she gets one of her paws stuck on one of the carpet threads and she was panicking and crying until we cleared it. I never thought about it but animals are as sensitive to pain as humans are. Animals are just like humans. Except they’re loyal, loving, helpless, venerable, voiceless, and lead miserable lives and die worse deaths. I know I am being cynical here. But to be frank, animals are better than a lot of people on this plant.

I digress, but to continue…. I don’t know but I had this thing happen to me during like March of this year where I’d always notice road kills and it would literally break my heart and I would cry and pray about in the car and I just couldn’t shake this imagery out of my head. And if I do succeed in shaking it off, I would a fresh road kill that would bring it all back again.

I know horrible things happen in the world to people and babies and I totally support those causes but the reason why I am so passionate about animals is because animals are helpless, venerable, voiceless, and most people don’t even acknowledge their murder yet alone their rights. At least when a human being dies people mourn them and remember them and honor their bodies. But those animals they get ran over, and people don’t even stop to help them and the poor animal could be slowly dying (can’t move) and then another car runs it over again to finish it off. THEN, all the cars run it over until its flattened to the ground. Am i being dramatic?! I know I sound weird to most people. But I know that this must also affect a few people like it affects me. How could I be expected to not have a heart and forget about the cruelty of how we treat animals. A life just like us. A life that is very sensitive to pain. A life for a meal.

This issue was so big with me that I even expressed to my boss how I am thinking on becoming Vegetarian soon and he mocked me and tried to stir my anger (tongue in cheek) even though it was apparent how much I got upset about this. Its one thing to eat meat and choose not to be vegetarian but its another thing to mock the murder of poor, helpless animals. At this moment I lost so much respect for my boss and eventually was happy that he fired me (me and him had a conflict of character/philosophies and on more than one occasion he told me to tell him that “he was always right”).

 

Anyways, lately I have been sad and depressed and suffering from extreme mental anguish (especially given the events in China lately). I know that God understands my pain. If I could have this compassion towards his creation then he must have it. If beautiful, GOOD, merciful Jesus could die for us worthless sinners then he must love those animals that I think aren’t evil and are better than many humans. If I, a mere human, could have this tenderness towards animals then God the God of all mercies and grace and compassion must care for them too. I know the Bible doesn’t talk about a specific plan for animals (but it does teach compassion and mercy– I am sure God doesn’t want us to only be compassionate to humans as I am sure its hard to discriminate if you’re compassionate) but I am sure God has one and thats the reason for my hope. I worship a compassionate God who shares my pain. I have been praying hard about this because I lost hope in humanity for a while. I feel guilty and responsible but I am choosing to have faith and trust God. I can’t fathom or fix this cruelty but I could be a small change. Well today I choose to be Vegetarian and to not buy anything leather even as gifts.

 

Friends…. please educate yourself by watching some videos (just type animal cruelty). I am sure its easier to think this cruelty doesn’t exist and go on our merry way but it d0es and I have faith in you. I really do. I love you!