Would Hate to Look Back on my Life & Say “I Almost Did It”

Moments that make me feel like am living to the fullest:

1. Running to the beach in my bikini and diving in the water.
2. Laughing so hard till my eyes water.
3. Kissing (depends on the person I’m kissing haha)
4. Being in love with someone that loves you back.
5. Receiving that unexpected text or email from someone that you care about.
6. Going on a first date with someone I like (so exciting)
7. Getting an email informing me that my class has been canceled haha (so lame but it makes so happy)
8. Reading a book or watching a movie with a character that totally resembles. (I love how when the feeling I feel when the character finally gets her happy ending cause it feels as I just got my happy ending myself).
9. Making someone’s day (When I feel like I can’t be happy myself, I like to make someone else’s happy because that totally makes me happy somehow lol).
10. Just chilling in my clean room, watching a movie, and sipping on wine. (so simple yet so Serene)

P.s. Sunshine, trees, and the cool breathe are like an instant mood lifters for me. haha

Please share with me the moments that make you feel so alive? Maybe they’ll work for me too lol

xoxoxox
God Bless

My Blog is My Love Child

I love it so so so much.
But, NO ONE should know about it.
Or at least people who directly know me.

I think the beauty of a blog comes from the fact that you can fully express yourself and be who you are and write whatever you want.

I’m not saying that I’m fake or that I pretend to be someone I’m not in real life.

I just feel like if I told people about it, it’s going to affect the way I write. You know the Observer’s Effect stuff haha. You guys know what I mean.

I just feel like a blog is a beautiful way of clearing my mind and setting goals.

Just writing my thoughts on a post makes them more “real” somehow and it makes me more committed to them. For example, If I said that I’m going to clean my room and wrote it in a post, I’m more likely to clean my room than if I just noted that in my head. Sometimes, I need motivation to do the simplest tasks in my life because without taking care of the simple stuff, I don’t feel prepared to tackle bigger projects.

Also I feel like if I wrote about something, I can talk about it to people more clearly and confidently.

Finally, a blog is important because it lets me express my interests and ideas that people in my immediate circle might not find interesting. However, I can gain the motivation needed to continue with my interests through my blog friends.

I know many of you guys feel the same way as me and I would ilke to find out why your blog is important to you??

Lateness…maaaan

“You should be honored by my lateness. That I would even show up to this fake shit”

I love this line because it absolutely describe me. lol
I just wanna be like, ” yes I’m late, but its okay. I’m worth the wait” lol

I’m like ALWAYS late.
I just feel like it runs in my blood.
From the very first day of first grade till like now. (sorry this sound so un-interesting, I just couldn’t finish this sentence cleverly lol)
I’m late to class, work, church, dates, job interviews, finals. You name it I’m late.
I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
But I swear, I ALWAYS intend to be early. JK. I hate being early.
I ALWAYS intend to be on time.

They make bets at work to see how late I’ll be. lol
I just feel like my internal clock is so dysfunctional like I’d take my time even if I know I’m late. Hurrying up just makes me so panicky.

Even if I’m late, I try to not let myself stress over it, I just walk in, apologize and then proceed gracefully.

Do you guys think I’m crazy, or are you guys the same way?

They call me Conceited… *rolls eyes*

Alright, so in case you missed my banner, let me remind you.
I’m a beauty queen.
I’m like the the physical embodiment of beauty on Earth.
Need I say more??!!

Just kidding, I’m not THAT vain, but I’ll admit I’m a little conceited. But why should you hate me for it. I only love myself and I think am beautiful. What’s wrong with that? I mean you hear people everyday talking about low self-esteem and negative body image and how everyone should love themselves and then one does it and BAAAAAAAM, they’re instantly labeled “conceited”. I never said that everyone else was ugly. On the contrary, I constantly compliment my friends and tell them they’re beautiful (even if I don’t really mean it. lol). I just like to encourage people and make them feel better.
Sometimes, I’ll be like, “That guy have like the biggest crush on me, but obviously he doesn’t talk to me cause he’s intimated by my looks” haha. They think am so conceited haha. But, it’s not my fault that everywhere I go people love to stare at me (even in my most ugliest days) and that I make clothes look really good. Or that random people stop me at odd moments just to compliment me, and mind you when that happens, it makes me so happy and I find something beautiful in them and compliment them back. I’m so grateful for that because sometimes I can be having the worst days and when I hear those kind words, my spirit is totally lifted and I’m so cheered up.
In conclusion, I am conceited but I’m NOT, by no mean, arrogant in anyway. I talk to anyone and everyone and I respect everyone.
People shouldn’t hate me cause am conceited, they should hate me cause I’m a bitch. JK. AM NOT! lol

P.s. my favorite compliment thus far has to be the one I received from my photography professor some years ago, he told me, “You should be a spy, cause you always look so different. One day you look elegant, the other you look like a beach bum…” lol. I’d like to think of this as a truly sound and legit compliment cause he’s a photographer so he really “sees” things haha

xoxoxoxox

What’s your remedy to feel better when you’re feeling down?

You know guys those days that start out being good and you feel good but then one little thing happen that makes you feel unsettled. It’s funny cause I didn’t know how sad I felt until later.

When I feel down or sad, often times I don’t express it to others because I want them to have a positive and a stronger impression of me. Also, because I’m the one who often tell people to keep strong and faithful. I keep it to myself because sometimes I feel like if I expressed it verbally to people, it somehow becomes more real. And sometimes, I just suppress my sadness and embrace optimism.  Though, sometimes I feel like it shows on me anyway.

Lately, I have been expressing my gratitude, sadness, and despair through a little aqua journal called “Letters to God”. The journal is super cool and it’s shaped as an envelope and every page has a a different bible verse. I like this journal a lot because I always thought that a journal is only for weak people and I refuse to think I’m weak. Also, I never saw the point of documenting sad memories because that makes them sadder.

So In my “Letters to God” journal, I write letters to God and converse with him. I love this journal so much because knowing that I’m writing letters to God makes me express myself to the fullest and throw everything on him. This journal makes me seriously weep and cry sometimes, and sometimes it makes me smile if I saw that something I had asked from God had already happened.

I just finished my letter to God today and I was weeping so hard but I feel so much better and I hope God will be by my side in the next few days and forever.

Now, I’m going to list the verses or quotes that were on the journal pages I filled up today just for inspiration:

1. In place of our exhaustion and fatigue, God will give us rest. All he asks is that we come to him … that we spend a while thinking about him, mediating on him, talking to him, listening in silence. Charles Swindoll

2. Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Young Love

A funny poem I have once written to a boy I thought I liked. “xxx” substitutes his name.

Waves, water, beach
xxx is about to deliver a speech
But he doesn’t know what to say
‘Cause he was blazing it all day

He gets up
He starts making up

Everybody is silent
The Professor looks like he’s about to get violent

The Professor hugs xxx
He almost shed a tear
Then, offered him a free beer

xxx couldn’t believe it
He thought how Mary Jane should be legit
To celebrate, he smoked two joints
Right till their end points (accompanied by his Professor)

I’m a GANGSTER

Many people might find it surprising to discover that I’m such a big fan of Lil Wayne. Maybe my delicate appearance (ha, sometimes) and soft voice have something to do with it but Lil Wayne definitely speaks to my violent, badass, rebel side. What I love about Lil Wayne is his confidence and the way he present himself through his lyrics. He may rap a lot about sex, money, and weed, but through the undertones of such lyrics you get a feel of his positive out look on life, his intelligence, and his massive ability to use puns and metaphors. Also, as I’m listening to him he’ll say something that make me laugh then he laughs at it too (so cute!). He’s such a jokester. Love him.

I especially love him in this interview and I think this quote is EPIC.

“I’m a gangster miss Katie…I don’t take nothing from no one. I do what I wanna do and I’m gonna do that until the day I die, and if I can’t do that then I’ll just die.” Lil Wayne

I can definitely relate and understand exactly what he’s saying as I’m the same way. I feel so prisoned and chained if I felt like I’ve been insulted or misunderstood and didn’t stand  up for myself. Even when doing so will cause me embarrassment or discomfort. I have stood up to bosses, professors (kinda, lol), parents, women, old ladies, friends, and boys. I have gotten fired up because of it and left my own sorority but at least I know what I had to do which is NEVER TAKING SHIT FROM ANYONE NO MATTER WHO THEY ARE. Sometimes I feel like I won’t be able to express myself correctly or tackle the situation in the most intelligent way but I tell myself that It doesn’t matter and that I WILL NOT AND I WON’T go home until I know that I stood up for myself. Because really I won’t be able to continue living my life feeling like a (excuse the word) pussy, such feeling will make inadequate to perform even the simplest tasks in life. I gain my confidence from my ability to trust myself. And I urge you to do the same even If you feel that your voice is so weak it’s gonna break or that you’re breathing so hard you’re gonna die. DO IT! You own it to yourself.

So next time my professor asks me why I hadn’t turned in my paper, Imma be like “I a gangster miss Smith” ha. lol

More on that in later posts

A blog for the happy, modern, well-rounded woman