C12: What a life
I look at you and it’s like I am 18 again
I remember what it’s like to feel young and miserable
But now it’s different
I have more wisdom
Limited, I shall say
But able to carry me through seeing life outside of you
I taste second chances
I feel grace
I am in awe of what a life it is
C2: Road Trip:
There are things that I am afraid of. Dark truths about the world that I am afraid to face and look in the eye. Maybe they’re not entirely dark but they are not entirely light either. Maybe the hidden, the parts that I don’t know or see will give me the relief and courage I need to face the dark parts. But the healing doesn’t come before the hurt.
(I wrote this, hoping that writing would be cathartic and alleviate my fears. I am literally afraid to take a road trip because I am afraid of what I am going to see and suffer the emotions and the actions that those truths warrant.)
Calling you beautiful is an understatement
Looking at your face (against the glimmering sun) spreading its rays to take more beauty from the world
Looking at your (shimmering) eyes giving it back
Sometimes sucking it all in and the rays in them become brighter, fiercer
Sucking me in
As I am left to feel or not feel at all the lightness of existence
(I woke up to an image in my mind that that inspired this image. It was of S looking at me through the corner of his right eye, as the falling sun and the ocean behind made it sparkle. We were standing on the pier arguing. Obviously, I embellished a bit to allow the moment its glory that can only be found in poetry, fiction, and our imaginative minds when we recall what could have been and make it more.)
Procrastination: I hate you. I hate you. I hate you. Because of you I am a late bloomer. And I hate it. You make me feel paralyzed. You make me feel unable. You make me feel like a loser. I hate how you play a big role in my life and I hate that you just creep up on me everyday. I hate how many times I tried to battle you and failed. I hate knowing how capable and close I am to achieving my goals and dreams but you just stand there between me and them.
You stand there mocking me with a look in your eyes about how weak willed I must be to succumb to you everyday. You’re so good at at making me self-loathe. The smirk on your face says it all.
Some people have great obstacles like lack of health, money, resources, or time and yet they rise above themselves and their scarcity whatever it may be. But here you are wasting away your years because of me. I am nothing to other people. But to you, I am your enemy.
How easy is it for me to lure you in with sleeping in, lingering in bed, watching just one more show. I relish in the idiotic ways I can make you surrender to me even without knowing.
Sometimes I even make you think that you have everything under control so what is wrong with just a little entertainment. A little venturing off the way.
The high you get from being productive and staying on task have become so foreign to you that you can’t even keep it up for more than just one day. It literally scares you and makes your heart beats faster.
Truth is I am scared of who you could be without me.
Will you be able to conquer me?